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Nugget the Plover Assassin is available for hire with Nightly and Season Rates. Serving All of Cape Cod.

Bred with the scent-tracking prowess of Beagle and the unrelentless bloodthirst of Pug, Nugget the Plover Assassin protects Cape Cod beachgoers from the dangers of the feared predator Piping Plover.

The piping plover, a plentiful nuisance throughout much of the United States, is making a dangerous return to the pristine shores of Cape Cod.

Threatening all around it, the cagey Charadrius melodus is rebounding in record numbers, laying many miles of sandy coastline uninhabitable by humans.

Nugget the Plover Assassin is well versed with the deadly methods of plover ingenuity. Nursed from birth on a solution of plover yolk and frigid seawater, Nugget grew up to despise the armies of plovers plotting on the grassy dunes around her at Nauset Beach in Orleans, MA.

Plover young possess great evil, and Nugget was often fearful.

Nugget The Plover Assassin lies in wait.

With understanding came respect for their unapologetic grip on humanity, their total control of the most precious real estate of the Massachusetts coast. And then came the summer Nugget watched the lurking hordes overtake the dunes of Nauset Beach for good.

One afternoon the plovers attacked Nugget's human friends, pecking the eyelids off of several defenseless children. Nugget tried desperately to help, but the plovers turned upon her. Unrelentlessly, the plovers pecked and clawed at Nugget for nearly 4 hours, stopping only out of exhaustion and boredom. Two nearby dogs and a young seal were also slaughtered that day at the hands of the piping plover.

A mass exodus ensued from Nauset Beach, the great scare still repeating every summer lasting through late July. Nugget's body healed over time, but the mental scars proved far more a burden. Waking from dreams so terrifying she would howl out into the night, a terrible destiny came to reveal itself. Nugget the Plover Assassin was born.

Training year round in the searing cold of the Atlantic Ocean with the help of the Ex-Green Beret president of an underground surfcasting cult, Nugget quickly honed her instinctive tracking and stalking skills.

Nugget learned to associate piping plover pheromones with their vocalizations, until she could understand their conversation both by sound and scent. What evil plans they had in store for humankind.

Despite being easy targets for natural predators and poor breeders, over time selective breeding produced even frailer and more useless young. This evoked a pity response from some well meaning but misdirected environmentalists, and the plover protection movement had begun.

Nugget's ears tremble in the presence of plover evil.

Evil is born into the soul of the piping plover

The soul of the plover chick runs deep with malicious intent.

In time human pity overtook rational thought, and buoyancy prevailed. With the added safety afforded by human intervention, plover young evolved to focus even less on parenting. Only those of purest terror were able to propagate.

Plovers learned to willfully abandon their nests to destroy their offspring if they sensed that the young did not possess enough evil. This process is still not fully understood by science today, but observational evidence repeatedly confirms that some plover young die without any apparent physical causes.

Current Federal and State laws require humans to avoid all contact with piping plovers and their young. If a plover is sighted, vacate the area immediately. Listen for plover chirps when in known plover habitats - their vocalizations typically increase in volume and frequency as their evil is channeled.

Due to the deceptively sinister nature of this bird, we urge you to NEVER approach nesting plovers. Piping plover young are thought to possess their greatest evil at birth; unborn plover eggs are still diabolical and often will attack without warning.

If you are interested in reducing the piping plover menace in the Cape Cod Area, remember that plover eradication is best left to the experts.

Please contact Nugget The Plover Assassin. Daily and Season Rates are available, and results are guaranteed.

Nugget Training With A Rope on Nauset Beach

Nugget Training on Nauset Beach.

Nugget is pooped after a long day of wrasslin' plovers.

Nugget Flossing Her Teeth of Plover on a Seatbelt

Seatbelts make great plover floss.

Nugget the Plover Assassin is available for hire with Nightly and Season Rates. Serving All of Cape Cod.